Oh Saturday, Oh Saturday!

So today we are suppose to get a winter storm. yuk! Right now as I am typing it has begun to snow. Yes, little flakes that are whisking around not ready to touch the ground just yet. The wind is picking up and sounding more like it is trying to rearrange our yard and anything loose fittin on the house. Yikes! Hope all this lasts but maybe a second..........hmmm

I just finished the book Radical. Loved it. I knew I would and I certainly knew I was meant to read it. Lot's of things stood out to me. Alot of things he mentioned it seems like I already knew just hadn't seen it in print before. It spoke to my heart, the same heartbeat that I was already on. I would love to see his passion spring up everywhere. I have had that secret wish inside for years. I have felt that same desire for change since the beginning of this millennium. I have always had a passion for all the children left without. Whatever the " with out " means to them.

I am just now getting ready to read UNconditional? The Call of Jesus to Radical Forgiveness.

This book is written by my very own Pastor, Brian Zahnd. I absolutely love, love, love our family's Pastors. Brian and his wife Peri are simply sweet people. the sweetness just drips off them. I tell you the truth. I can't imagine where our family would be if we set under any other authority hear on earth. God has brought so much to us through Word of Life Church's Ministry, I just can't say enough about them. I haven't spoke about them much on this blog b/c I never wanted to mention someone by name on here in case-well just say I never thought it was using my manners. So, I will say this I believe EVERY person that has ever heard of Jesus should read THIS BOOK. Not b/c it's our Pastor as the author. It's b/c I believe that God worked in our Pastor to give us a " seed in season ". So to speak. I believe that everyone would be blessed beyond what words can say. If you? are interested in reading this book you can pick it up at Amazon dot com. I must say also that this book is being endorsed by Miroslav Volf, Eugene H. Peterson, Brian Houston, Clancy Martin, REV. Adam Hamilton, and Vinson Synan. that is quite a list. But none the less a must read. Be blessed!

Another note- we are heading up north tomorrow right after church to see our granny chil' sing her little heart out at the Christmas Program. this is the highlight of my life. We have been blessed with a gorgeous granny chil' that happens to love to S-I-N-G! who knew. Only God. So we will be sitting in the highest place of honor tomorrow watching with all the wonder and excitement possible for these two middle agers. Lovin every minute of it.........

Blessed! Yes, we are. thank you Jesus!

Ever have problems sleeping??

Well, that was my problem a couple nights ago. I just couldn't shut off the day. I then started to pray in the spirit and I began to think about something my husband and I had talked about one day.

He was sharing with me about his childhood adventures with his brother. Just one day in the life of a child living on a farm, but the story he shared started to really have an impact on me.

He shared about how he and his older brother would watch their dad leave in the mornings to farm the fields and they would run out to the yard and play themselves as they imagined their dad was farming.

He recalled that they would get their toy tractors and trucks and small hand made bales of hay and work the fields that they created with their hands.

They would make paths for the tractors to travel to and fro and they would reconstruct in their yard a whole play land that would resemble one day in the life of their father.

Then he recalls that one of the tractors would suddenly get a flat tire and they would have to stop farming and tend to the tire.

They would work fervently on that tire-taking a trip back to the farm w/the other tractor and loading up all the tools necessary for the repair.

They would load up such things as chains so they could hoist the tractor up and change that tire.

This is what began to impact me.

These little boys would re-act one day in the life of their father by playing as they " thought " their dads life was.

But............. their dads tractor tire would not need repaired b/c their dads tire was just fine.

These boys decided that their experience in life would be best if there were trials in the adventure of it.

You see, they were not even interested in just a simple day-nothing goes wrong-everything works for the good-kind of play day.

They knew that they would need the trials in the adventure to make the experience better.

They would get more out of the play day if they threw in the trials and the tribulations of the journey.

To them, these small little boys, life was best when there were complications to the day.

Their days were most remembered in the trials they created b/c it caused them to go about something off the beaten path so to speak.

The trials in their play were not distractions they were mountain overcoming miracles b/c they knew they would find a way to recover and their adventure would be best lived out b/c of the trials.

They knew that the experiences would be richer. That they would be richer b/c of the experiences.

Isn't that just amazing.

It reminds me of a scripture- Is. 11:6b NLT

and a little child will lead them all.

This is so significant to our lives right now. There is so much adventure for us to experience and we will be richer for it. If.......

We allow the God of the universe to form us by the trials and trust that HE has found a way for us. Every tire will get changed its just a matter of resting in HIM.

How many times do we watch our children play??

Our little girls trying to be little mommies and yet every time their baby seems to always need to go to the doctor.

Our little boys need a motor changed or a wreck happens and they need to haul the vehicle home.

What are our little ones trying to teach us???

Maybe we are formed by the trials and just maybe the trials in our lives are not distractions but character building treasures that only we " human beings " get to live out.

Of all God's creation- we are fully alive in Christ. What is your experiences in life that you remember the most??

Are they the ones tied to a trial?

What makes us fully alive is our experiences..........

Have a blessed day.

It's Snowing, it's snowing!

Today is the official first day of snow here. Just a scatter thus far but, I know that more is coming. I am glad that this snow has finally come and now we can stop wondering when?? Then again, it was fun wondering when it might snow for the first time. It was also fun to play the game w/the kids- guess what day will be the first day of snow? I think our guesses were way off but now the guessing can stop. Some of the magic, or mystery is gone now that we have our official snow.

Well, we ended up w/ just a scatter today. It sure was magical watching it flurry from the sky. It almost seemed as if we were in one of those snow bulbs. They never look magical until someone decides to shake them up. That's how it felt today. Not much happening in the day to make it interesting then......all of a sudden it began to snow. mmmmhmmm it was magical

Let me just pray- Oh Jesus let me always be reminded that I am never to old to enjoy the majestic and the mystery of this life. I pray that I am always mindful to be as a small child in life that is full of wonder and adventures just waiting. I pray that I am never so prideful to think that I must act my age. I enjoy all the splendor that awaits me and my family and makes this life full- I mean full! Your blessings Lord surely make us rich........I pray that as Your Word says " knowledge puffs itself up " that I am mindful of this and that we understand why knowledge is given and that it is not about status. I pray that I remember that You have something else for us, we....just have to look for it. With childlike eyes and a mind that is open to mystery and the wonders of this life. Thank You Jesus, Thank You Jesus

New Day!

Today is NEW Day.

We have alot starting to happen around here. We still.....have not heard any more with respect to the sibling group.

Phil 1:29

For you have been given not only the priviledge of trusting in Christ but also the priviledge of suffering for him.

I did have a dream the other night that a little boy came to live w/us. His name was Eddie. Hmmmm

He sure was cute, about 3 I would say. It was unclear to me if he was foster or adoption. Not that it matters. It's just fascinating to me that God is still bringing us children even if it is in our dreams.

FATHER, YOU! ARE MARVELOUS, GLORIOUS, BEAUTIFUL!

We are being lead right now to go on. What does that mean? Well, we happen to know what it means. You see- we have always known that our dream lives in us. Yet while things don't always appear to be something that looks logical, God Himself is still at work in our lives. So, from knowing that much we are to go on. Move towards another place. Not linger like w/inactivity. After all we do live from faith to faith, glory to glory.

The Holy Spirit has been speaking to me alot over the weekend about adoption. What I believe the Holy Spirit is making sure I grasp hold of is this: the reason most children are adopted is b/c of the original curse put on this earth. When Eve took of the tree of knowledge the consequences were to follow. That allowed sin to have its place in the earth. That sin is now responsible for so many children's adoptions. I am not saying all. Just that women are choosing to let go of the very life that was birthed from them b/c in alot of cases they don't have the resources available to them to make any other choices. This breaks my heart.

Right now in this very moment some woman is doing just that- letting go of the life she birthed in this earth. If we just take a moment and let the reality of her choice sink in-it makes adoption very humbling.

Phil 2:3-4

Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested inothers, too, and what they are doing.

My heart weeps for these mother's and their choices. They are courageous, self-less, and powerless (in most cases) to the judgement (the sin in this world). That is what breaks my heart more than anything. The judgement or sin,(the mother's situation) causes her to let go. Whether it be finances, relational, or legalistic her situation is so pressing that she has to let go.

It's so very hard to put myself there in her shoes- I know that there is such a deep sense of pain I feel for her when I think that a daughter of Abraham"s God, has to choose.

I mean think about it-Abraham so longed for a child. Sarah too. Could you imagine for a moment what we would say to Sarah if she were to walk the earth w/us for a day. Sarah, the mother God used to bring the life of Issac into the earth would probably not be able to stop weeping for these mother's. It has never been God's Will for these women to have to make these choices. Sarah would tell us that. God would never EXPECT one of His creations to lack of anything. Especially to be overcome by sin.

I want to make sure you are hearing my heart. I am NOT CONDEMNING THE CHOICES OF THESE MOTHER'S. I am however, grieving for them, weeping for them. I am moved by them.

Phil. 2: 1-2

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and sympathetic? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose.

I hate like anything that THEY have to choose. I hate it. I hate that something caused them to have to let go. I don't agree w/hate. I do agree w/holy boldness towards sin.

Phil. 25-8

Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal's death on a cross.

I know that the sins of this age are much more greater in volume than ever before. Meaning, more people more sinning.

I just really want my heart to really search God's heart- and be in remembrance of the gift.

The sacrificial gift, of adoption.

This is the story of Adoption. Adoption into God's Family. This is Salvation. The Bible tells us that God, hates injustice.

HE never wanted anything for us that causes us pain, grief, loss, shame, discomfort etc.

HE has always longed for us to have joy, peace, prosperity, righteousness, and love, abiding etc.

He has never expected us to have to let go of what HE has called to us by HIS Grace.

It's this very Grace that gives us each other in salvation and by this Grace that we open our hearts towards others to embrace ALL of GOD'S GLORY TOGETHER!

b/c OF sin.

The very reason we are called to adopt is the very reason we were adopted into God's Family. God always makes a WAY.

HIS WAY IS JESUS- Jesus overcame sin and death. He made a way even when it seemed like there was no other way. Do you see the parallels??

Jesus uses us to be His hands and feet. To embrace others w/our hands and to walk towards others w/our feet.

Just as I hate that mother's have to choose to let go of a child they birthed b/c of circumstances beyond their control (sin) God hates it too. It is the injustice of it all. To His people.

Now I am seeing the justice or the beautiful of adoption. WOW

Both forms of adoption-adoption into the Kingdom of God and adoption into a family (like ours).

Can you see it??

I pray for the many, many well they estimate that there is 163 million orphans worldwide so that means there are 163 million mother's that humbled themselves and let go. I may not know what their shoes feel like but Jesus absolutely understands and was their example. They too, are my example. They too suffered just like Christ. My prayer for the mother's is Phil. 1: 11

May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation-those good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ-for this will bring much glory and praise to God.

I pray that laborers be put in your path and that what the devil meant for evil God will turn it around for your good and that salvation in Christ Jesus is yours. Whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Adoption is beautiful! Thank you Jesus for giving us so much. Thank you Holy Spirit for moving in my heart and allowing me to see the connection.

Your Grace does abound towards me and my family that we having all sufficiency in every area for all manner of work. hallelujah Jesus

Thank you Jesus for using us.................

The GREATNESS of our God

verse 1- / Give me eyes to see/ More of who You are/ May what I behold/ Still my anxious heart/ Take what I have known/ And break it all apart/ You my God are greater still/

chorus 1- /No sky contains/ No doubt restrains/ All You are/ The greatness of our God/ I spend my life to know/ And I'm far from close/ To all You are/ The greatness of our God/

verse 2- /Give my grace to see/ Beyond this moment here/ To believe that there/ Is nothing left to fear/ That You alone are high above it all/ You my God are greater STILL/

bridge- /And there is nothing/ That could ever separate us/ There is nothing that could ever/ Separate us from Your Love/ No life No death of this/ I am convinced/ You my GOD ARE GREATER STILL/

chorus 2-/ No words could say/ Or song convey/ All YOU are/ The greatness of our God/ I spend my life to know/ And I'm far from close/ To ALL You are/ THE GREATNESS OF OUR GOD///

This is song from Hillsong Live 2010- Beautiful Exchange

I really, really can't say enough about this CD. Hillsong never-ever let's me down. Just when I think how could they ever create something better than this they DO! Praise God

I have been singing this song for months now and I didn't really understand to the fullest what I was singing until yesterday. This song just kept coming to me- I'd sing it some and then I would get a message from the song. Like this would be great to sew into a friends life b/c they are going thru a trial right now and it has really shook it all up. Enough said. then

I began to realize thru the power of the Holy Spirit that I myself and my family have also been trialed and our world has been shook up some too. Hmmmm.......

Here is what I have been made aware of-

We have been seeing alot of deaths lately. Alot! Period

This is so unnecessary however it is where we are, what takes place here and such. Well- we have been looking at our dream as a possible death also. Until the Lord spoke to me that we have been considering a funeral when it is God who determines whether our dream has life or death.

See, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that our dream has been in a coma so we in all our thinking have been trying in our own vain tryings to determine whether life support should be stopped or not. But- Jesus has said- up to the point of death, LOOK UP! HERE I AM! SEE, I AM HIGH AND LIFTED UP ( then all of a sudden I saw this wooden cross with Jesus on top of it-then it turned into a tree trunk-thick and solid) JESUS CONTINUED-

I AM- HIGH ABOVE YOUR SITUATION-

OUR FATHER- HE HAS EXALTED ME ABOVE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING B/C HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH.

Let's look at the Word of God and see what it says:

Phil. 2: 9

Because of this, God raised him up to the heights of heaven and gave him a name that is above every other name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

My Lord and King- Jesus you are my everything, my all in all- my forever! I am sooo sorry that I have been so wrapped up in my thoughts of this world and not Your thoughts of this world. You have showed me once again how Your Saving Power works in my life yet still! You have saved me Jesus! So kids! Here's the deal

Our GOD is GREATER STILL!!!! HE loves YOU, and me and HE LOVES ORPHANS! They are HIS CHOSEN! So

WE ARE DOING THIS--------STILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While our dream may be in a coma-life support can continue and we know what to do!

SPEAK THE WORD OVER IT- IT WILL LIVE! WE WILL GIVE GLORY TO THE LORD AND OUR FATHER WILL DELIGHT IN THE WORK OF HIS SON!

there is so much to do-so little time- must go for now

Grace, Grace

Still.........

OH! my heart is so troubled and heavy.
It is sooo very hard-this journey. My heart.

I am so bothered by the fact that we just don't know what is going on with this adoption. It's been a month since we were told that instead of us going into staffing we were going into unknown territory.

We really thought, well, ok, we will be waiting this out and see what God will do.
That has been our thinking thus far and now that we have just waited and waited for over a month it seems that our wait is never ending and we just can't understand what God is doing.

Alot of it doesn't make sense to us-yet we believe in the things that we cannot see.

However, it's getting kinda hard to believe for these children knowing that they now must have a relative in place to proceed towards placement.
It really bothers my heart when I think things like- this person is living our life. Those were suppose to be our children and now we are just left.

I am starting to wonder if we are going to be here another month? a month from that? six months from that? It is driving me crazy-when do you just say enough! Lord! Either come to our rescue or move mountains or close the door.

Its so easy to look at our situation and say well when they called to tell us that instead of our staffing-they were pursuing a relative, to not look at that as a closed door.

However, I had a peace about it when our worker spoke to us. I can't describe it- just a peace about the situation. I took that to believe in WHAT GOD CAN DO. I thought well, it's not over until God says it's over.

Today I am having trouble sticking to that. I am having trouble believing that this is STILL our journey.

It bothers the daylight out of me to believe for these kids when a relative is involved. It is almost maddening. How are we suppose to pray? God is no respecter of persons. I can't ask HIM for favor when knowing they could be too. I can't really ask that God moves in these kid's lives and allow us the privilege of adopting, if?, and while there are relatives that could provide for them.

Then I think well maybe they aren't praying. Maybe they aren't even believers. Then I pray-Lord please don't let them be taken into a home that can not witness of your love for them and the world. I think alot about that-whether they are believers or not.

It would be sooo darn awful if we never got to parent these kids and they grow up in a home that does not teach them that Jesus loves them more than Himself.
That HE has a purpose and a hope for them.
That HE placed them before HIS thoughts on Calvary some 2000 years ago.

Just such a heavy place to be- not liking very much the things that are revealed in my heart either.
I don't like thinking these thoughts about someone I don't even know.
I don't have an ill thought towards them-that's what feels so heavy is that I don't want to have thoughts about them that are twisted stuff, garbage that damages my soul.
I think about the possibility that maybe they aren't believers and it's starts getting heavy. Really heavy.
That itself becomes the battle for me. It's like I am going to battle for these kids b/c I don't know but they could be really strong believers and then I would have done it all for not.
All just b/c we are just left. Left to figure this out.

Our worker just happens to be gone on maternity leave sooooooooooo she won't be back in our lives for months. There is no one to take her place b/c we live in the most rural place we could possibly live. She has been at her position for less than 6 mos.

Before her- there was no one.
Before that-we had a worker that seemed like she knew her position and seemed as if she was working for us however we STILL have yet to adopt.

I dreamed of our meeting these children.
I have dreamt about seeing them for the first time, and just cried and cried b/c I felt like we would never get there.
I have looked at their pictures 1000 x a minute each and every day. Longing to meet them, longing to touch them, wrap my arms around them. Tell them how very much we have wanted them.
How not one day went by that we were not praying, asking, pleading the Lord for them.
Then all of a sudden I start to feel bad, for longing for these children when apparently they have a relative involved with them.
For longing for these children whom have someone to hold them, care for them, teach them about the eternal love of Jesus, laughing with them, hearing there voices call them by name.
All of the priceless moments that I, we are sooo longing to do.... and be a part of.

I am not in this alone. My husband is right here with me. His heart is just as lost as mine.
We are not ready to give up. We do need some answers. I can't imagine that we will be in this place another month from now. I PRAY we are not. If we are to give up and move on- then we will. We just need the knowing. We need the conformation from our Savior and King Jesus Christ. Please come Savior King-Oh Jesus tell us what to do.

Miracle Before Eyes

Hello Family-

I can't help but Glorify My ADONAI! , my ADONAI!
I just can't help but sing that song today by TobyMac. You got me feelin so fly! Yep, that is me these days. I fly about my Adonai!

I have decided that I would post about my brother and his accident, not b/c of my perspective of it all but b/c when I derived at this blog I wanted it to be an expression of me to my kids. Something that even our kids that live on their own could get ahold of- they can still hear me so to speak even if they don't live here.

My brother was in an awful accident on Thursday Oct. 14th, 2010. That day happened to be mine and Allan's errand day and so we started our day off early driving to St. Joe to grocery shop and run errands. We arrived back home and then ate lunch and then drove over to Maryville w/ Nate and Vallan to get them some needed clothing. We had a great time and everything seemed peaceful. Allan even got a new job b/c I wore the Allan Jensen Ceramic t-shirt and a woman in the check line asked if he did floors and soon he had a new job. Hallelujah Jesus! love when that happens.

So, after shopping we went for ice cream then headed home. We turned in our driveway when Nate said mom i hear your phone. Sure enough, my phone beeped and I had a message. I am really, really, really Thanking the Lord that I got the message then and NOT when we were in Maryville.

My sister called to tell me there was an accident please call her back. So i did. My brother had an accident on the tractor and so then my mom got on to tell me the rest of the story.

My brother, Chris was takin hay to his horses and since the clutch in his truck went out he couldn't use it that day and needed to use the tractor. Mom said he was going to go by himself that day and she thought about it and told him she would go with him. THANK GOD!

So he was loading a bale of hay on the forks on the front of his tractor and once he got through the gates needed to turn so he turned the tires and started to turn- he had the forks raised b/c he had a bale on the front. Just as he turned a front tire blew out and it threw him forward, he grabbed the wheel quickly and tried to bale out from the tractor just as he did his jeans got caught on something- he doesn't know what his jeans caught on exactly but it held his body there as the tractor flipped completely over.

Mom saw this and ran to him trying to see him. When she did she saw the tractor on top of him and the bar of the tractor was across his mid-section starting at his right hip and clear across his abdomen up to his left rib case it was smashing him.

He was trying to hold the tractor off him as best he could and he said he only had enough breathe in him to tell her to go away cause he didn't want her to see what was going to happen to him. he said he knew he was not going to make it. He said " God help me " and then used a finger to point to mom go over there.

She said he began to turn purple and then she yelled, " Lord what am I suppose to do? " Just then she heard the name Tim. She got in her car and drove across town where she Tim was working in his field, he was using his bobcat and so she asked him if he could bring the bobcat and help rescue her son.

He got another guy to go with him and he came to my brother w/his bobcat and began a rescue.

My mom said that she got down in my brothers face and was calling him by name and there was no response.

He was the ugliest color of purple she had ever seen. he was unresponsive and not breathing and said that tractor looked like it had cut him in half.

It was pressing down on his abdomen so much it made him literally flat.

Mom said all of a sudden the towns people of Gravity, Iowa just started appearing and began to help in the rescue attempts. Mom called 911 when she went to get help, and they still weren't there yet.

So the towns people worked together and used that bobcat to lift the tractor off my brother and by the Grace and Mercy of God they lifted it off slowly, little by little until some of the dark started to leave my brothers complexion.

Mom then got down in his face and started to slap him and call out his name. Tim then called everyone to gather round and pray so they did.

Mom said it was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen- the town of Gravity all linked hands, linked hearts and prayed for the giver of life to Give. HE DID!

Mom said his eyes started to move and then he opened them and the praises started. The towns people all began to shout and just marvel at God's Almighty at work right before their eyes.

Soon the ambulance got there and took over the rescue and life-flight was called. They had a hard time that day with the winds so they ended up taking him to Des Moines, Iowa instead of Omaha. It ended up taking around 2 hrs. from the time the accident happened to when he did get put on the helicopter to Des Moines.

This is the time when I spoke w/Mom on the phone- they were waiting for the life-flight to get there. He was in the ambulance and they had him stable.

After getting off the phone w/mom I called all my kids to tell them and we began making plans to head to the hospital.

We were able to get everything lined up and began our drive towards Bethany. After getting on I-35 we got a call from my sister who said the hospital called to tell her that the CAT Scan showed NO broken bones, No internal bleeding, everything cleared and they would keep him for observation. What a miracle-working God we serve. I tell you what a miracle!

We arrived at the hospital after driving 2.5 hrs. I didn't think we would ever get there, you know that feeling? We found his room and I went in- they were just getting him moved in there from ER and so they asked me to wait about 10 mins. they would be done and I could visit him. I went ahead and walked in the room just to take a look at him- I was expecting the worse (like I would know what that would look like, right?)

I told him I would be back so off to find Mom and Dad. They were in the waiting room on the trauma floor and so we joined them. Before long they gave us permission to go visit him. So
Idid!

The first thing my brother said to me was, " Sis, who breathed in me? " I said, " no one did, Chris! " I said, " no one gave you CPR. " He said, " Yes, someone breathed in me, I remember." I said, " You know WHO breathed in you. " He said, " then if Tim didn't, mom didn't then that only leaves God! " I said, " YES! it does" Hallelujah Jesus!

He had quite alot of bruising on his legs, stomach, hips, across his back and on his head. Nothing broken, nothing out of place, nothing. He did have ALOT of pain so the staff began giving him pain meds. He talked, shared what he remembered and was speechless about ALL that the Lord hath done. He looked pretty swollen to me like in the head, eyes and neck area. He also looked swollen in the stomach. He also had alot of darkness around his eyes, up on his forehead. Looked like he might have black eyes appear in a day or so. Probably b/c he was without oxygen for several minutes. After visiting a hour or so with him drifting in and out of sleep. Some friends ( Josh ( toad), Josh Blake and his wife Jessica) from home came up to see him and they were down right shocked that he looked so G-O-O-D! it is just so awesome.

We were there until around 1ish. We decided to just go on home, Chris was getting his pain under control and he would need to rest so we headed for home.

We are still here!

Really quick update. I am just about to pop out the door, but wanted to update. For your FYI- we have been selected as 1 of 2 families, and our staffing was scheduled for Sept. 20. We spent the day trying to busy ourselves with life and anything else we could stuff in their to keep our minds off the clock. We counted down the minutes and then...........after expecting a phone call got- nothing. Yep, Nada! So, we tried to keep a positive mindset, went to bed w/ the dream still tucked in our hearts. We have asked our dearest friends to pray for us-

the next day-late in the day like 5 o'clock. We got a phone call from our Adoption Specialist and she is let's just say she was tested in patience herself. They ended up NOT having our staffing, they called it off ONLY THEY FORGOT TO TELL OUR WORKER! yep gulp!

So, this is it. The other family involved backed out! Well- that would be great however, the judge was presented with this case and court ordered a family member be sought out first.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So again we are heartbroken. We were told a family member expressed an interest in the children and so they are going to take all measures to make it work for them. The one thing is the children's' team doesn't want these kids leaving the state and the family member lives in another state which only complicates things for them and for the case. When you have two states working on an adoption it is called a Interstate compact. These are somewhat of difficult to work with, as they can take A-LONG-TIME! So, once again these kids wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is absolutely no words to say! We are kinda in a place where we had a bad dream and although we have woke up still feel like we are in the dream and we need to make it right before we wake up. does that make sense?? prob. not b/c none of this makes any sense.

We were sooooo close this time and still don't really know where that leaves us................. we have expressed thru our worker that we are still interested in these kids if something should change- so now we are just praying that something changes and our dream of parenting these kids still prevails in our hearts.

So I must go for now. I will post more when I know more. God is so good and HIS goodness lasts forever, so we are encouraged by HIM who holds the universe in HIS' HANDS. We must trust that HE IS GOD and that HE WILL bring our children to us...........................

God Bless and Grace Grace

8-17-10

Today has been amazing. I spent quite a time w/my Savior this morn.
I also read in 2 cor.
Paul is amazing to me. I love, love reading about his life and times.

So yesterday hubby and I had a long conversation coming home from the hospital pre-paying for his surgery on friday. The trip lasted about 1 hr. so we definitely talked.
We just shared our hearts about the journey we are on and how much we are little sick inside that not much has happened and we are NOT where we thought we would be by now.
We are really hoping the we are not in the same place next year at this time cause its pretty depressing.
We also shared our hearts about how much we seem to have so much suffering with this journey.
Our journey to adopt has been one rough ride.
It appears that when others do it- it just works out for them and when we step out every time we get hung up and put out to dry and are left without.
It has been really hard to take, and really hard to keep the faith.
We would quit but where would we go???
Peter asked Jesus the same thing- Where Lord should I go?
As for me and my house we will serve the Lord..... enough said

So today reading in 2 Cor. I find Paul saying this- If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.

That is powerful to me... Yes that is it! All this suffering really makes us feel weak. Why? Well I won't pretend to have all the answers. Maybe b/c we are not in control?? I think for me that is where it is. Control.

Oh Father forgive me...

Paul also says- We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken, We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit.
We are hunted down, but God never abandons us.
We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.

Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!
Enough said- we are NOT QUITTING!

He also writes- That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed everyday. Yep!!

So today we are renewed! Hallelujah Jesus it's all for YOU anyway.
I leave w/ one thought-

At the end of the day- I want to know that I still have a place at the feet of Jesus, praising and worshipin my faithful Savior King cause HE IS WORTHY!

Grace, Grace

Aug. 16, 2010

Well today I wrote 2 checks that wiped out our " adoption fund " and it was really miserable. It was miserable b/c it wasn't for an adoption. We have been saving and saving only to see our hopes and dreams fade to crisis situation and therefore a need and there goes the adoption fund. This has happened over and over for the last 5 yrs. Yah! I said it not 1 yr. but 5 yrs. Today was so depressing. It has been really difficult somewhat torturous for us to watch most of our friends and acquaintances thrive in life doing what we long and dream to do. Adopt kids. We have been on one long and winding bumpy road. So long that it literally feels as if it just isn't going to happen for us.. at least that is what the devil is reminding us all thru the days and nights.

Today is especially hard when we know that we have to let loose of the money we have a special purpose for. It doesn't really matter what the money went to. It did go to meet a medial need so we know at least it really did matter and I guess at least we had it when we needed it, it just stinks when it feels like the devil may have caused the crisis and stole the money b/c we were getting close to using it...... we were!

It also stinks to have this reveal that my heart still thinks money matters. I am really bothered by the way I feel about not having the money in our lives to use for an adoption. The thing is we don't even have any children to adopt. We are still waiting to hear if we are of the few families selected to be chosen for the sibling group we appealed for.

Most of you aren't aware of how the foster care system and the adoption system work in our nation. You see there are hundreds of thousands of children in the foster care system in our nation these kids' pictures and a profile are created and their workers put together a file for the adoption unit to use. Now some of the workers profile their case loads on a the web like adopt us kids dot org. Others don't they send their profiles to other workers in their areas to see if they are aware of adoptive parents in the system to make referrals. So most of the time alot of the children's profiles are never sent to the families waiting and waiting to adopt.

We have an adoption specialist in our county that works for us. She has indicated to us that her job is somewhat hard to do b/c she isn't aware of that many adoptive workers in other counties so she is not getting profiles of children needing families. Bummer right! Well there are websites like adopt us kids and then adoption exchange that actually help adoptive parents get profiles of children that represent similarities to your family and families harmonies. These are great resources for families cause there seems to be a real lack of intention w/ the system...... I have often wanted to write our governor and ask him if we the state of missouri were really that interested in finding families for the children lingering in foster care? Are we as a state really serious about adoption of the kiddos in families cause there seems to be a real lack going on....

Back on us- so how this works is this. We seen the kids' profiles on a website where we could read about the children. Short profiles is what they call it and sometimes a picture. We then email our worker and request to inquire about these kids. Our specialist takes the name and number of the adoption worker for the kids and emails he/she. We then receive via email what is called ' long profile' about each child if in a sibling group. We then get to know the children even more and then decided whether your family would be a good resource for the them. We then request for our homestudy to be sent to the worker. At this point we have our homestudy sent but we are 1 in about 100 or more. The worker or workers involved allow sufficient time for families to send their studies in however the time frame is not known to any of us waiting. This literally can take months. yes Months. As if these kids have not waited long enough. They wait. So do we, the families that wait all this time, hoping and praying that you are selected as the family. If we are selected they select a few like 30 families then they regroup meet and from the 30 they decide on like 8 families and they schedule interviews with these remaining 8. Once the interviewing is done which again can take months, they then select 3 families. The remaining 3 families will then go into what they call staffing. This includes interviews with the family, children and all the workers involved. Then the judge hears the case and he rules which family will ultimately be the children's future. All this takes time and a long time at that. We are still in the waiting stage. Waiting to see if we are selected as one of the 30 or so families. So that means we still a l-o-n-g way to go.

When we stop long enough to think about the process it kind of makes us really want to give up right at the beginning b/c for real. Who has that much patience??? I need Jesus!!!! cause I don't have the patience. It drives me nutty just thinking about the kiddos waiting. The thing is the kids probably don't even know this is going on. They don't ask and the workers sure don't bring it up, I'm sure. Except for the teenagers. You gotta know they are asking. It must be really difficult for them.

The children we are hoping to become part of our family is 8,7, 2 and 6 mos. Yes! 4 children. they are beautiful children and their profiles reflect that they would fit right in to our family really well. It is harder than life waiting though to find out yes or no. We have submitted our homestudy for several, did you hear me- several children. Several sibling groups. Several singletons and several times we have waited months like 6 or more only to hear ..................
nothing! That's right nothing. They don't email the workers back a sorry letter to families no nothing. One day you'll just see a little message on the website their listed with and it will say family in progress or on hold. Then you know. YOU ARE NOT THE FAMILY CHOSEN!

It is a huge let down and when that happens and it has several times. You and your family are broken and then angry. Angry that months of your life was wasted on waiting. Angry that the system made you wait so long. Angry that the workers must be wrong in their choices. Right??

It really does make us understand the overwhelming rise in International Adoption. There is alot of controversy about adopt here or there or anywhere. My take on that is adopt where you are led to. Adoption is a very personal journey. You have to be certain you know where your willing to go and do what you are willing to do. For us- International Adoption is just not for us. The biggest reason is travel. It just doesn't fit our family. Our heart beat.

If we ever did decide to adopt Internationally, we would like a program like the Korea Program. Some of the high points to the Korea Prgm are:
We liked that not only did you not have to travel you could escort.

You also didn't have to have the involvement of a dossier. They are just mentally intimidating to me. Probably b/c both me and my husband have been married before. Too much paperwork. The other benefit of the Korean Program was the 1 fee. There was a fee to the whole process not pay this much here, and this much there. You know when you are paying this here and paying this there later. You really are not aware " how much money you are really paying ". We don't like this. You end up paying alot more then you think. We like the concept of paying the fee once and final.
That is just my opinion. just sayin

Even though we paid for the medical crisis we had, we are still hopeful that we will see the salvation of our LORD in the land of the living. Even though we are broken hearted we will still keep believing that someday it will happen for us. Someday we will be the parents of who? and how many? Until then our faith will continue to be tested. At the end of the day though, after our faith is tested it is proved to be true. We still believe that our Father's heartbeat is for orphans and HE sets them in families. We can believe that HE longs to bring our hearts desires into our journey b/c HE knows the truth in our worship when we have nothing. How much greater will our worship be when we arrive on that day. God longs to be glorified. He longs for us to glorify Him boldly. He longs for us to glorify Him always. He knows that we celebrate HIM even when we are defeated by the no word. We have to believe in HIM- where else would we go????? After all it's HIM! WE REALLY WANT!!!

Hello Again!!

Well Hello!
Yes it has been awhile since we talked. hehe
All is well with us Jensen's. We have been seriously taken over by 2 lil girls that came to our home in November. These precious treasures are foster children and so b/c of laws and regulations we are not able to talk publicly re: the girls. So for now I will tell you that we have been pleasantly surprised by this journey. Nothing is what it seems is it???? We have been really busy-life is day by day.

We still have the same dream tucked in our hearts....waiting.......waiting........ the greatest stinking thing is we are so excited to see what????? god is going to do. We know it will happen, it will be like heaven on earth for us-so we wait!!!!!

We sure have had alot happen in just the last few months. We celebrated Thanksgiving together w/all the kids.

We have been given the privilege of becoming grandparents to our first grandchild in July. Its so exciting for us-our daughter is having her first baby:~) Everything is going really well for her also which helps.

Our daughter that started college this fall-well she got married in Feb. to a really good guy who happen to be her best friend:-)

Our 19 yr.old daughter moved into her own apt. and has been working in town and she really enjoys her job. She has meet a guy @ work and they are getting along really well, dating and having alot of fun.

Then there's the next daughter in line and we are getting all the preparations made for her graduation and entrance into college for nursing this fall.
Spring is finally here and what a welcome sight for all.

Our son is STILL waiting on brothers:-W the poor kid he is still surrounded by girls, girls, girls. He wants a skateboarding buddy really bad.

Last but not last is our youngest daughter who wanted to be a big sister and got her want. Now she is trying to learn balance-when both new sisters' want to play w/just her. yeah tricky isn't it. She does a really good job of meeting their needs......which is minute by minute w/ a 3 and 5 yr. old. hehe

Life is a joy, we give the Lord the Glory! the Honor! and All the Praise!! We just celebrated Easter- oh I wish I could post pics the girls' looked so darn cute in their dresses. They were so excited to wear them it was humbling to be a part of it......we all went to our church family that morning. They were darling. We had a glorious time celebrating w/both our church family and then later that day w/my husbands family. The girls got to participate in an Easter egg hunt, they did so well. Smiles from ear to ear. As parents our quiver was full as we lay our heads down on fluffy pillows that night and rehearsed the day's account of happenings. What blessings we have in our lives day in and day out. OH LORD what an honor to walk this journey w/YOU!

Well friends stay happy-choose love towards one another-smile to one another-share the joys and the sorrows w/one another and above all praise one another

Grace and Blessings

WOW time flies

Hello Friends-



I can't believe how fast time flies. I haven't blogged now for about 4 mos. We have been extremly busy with all the Lords Blessings. I must confess, there is alot that has happened to us since we last talked. So, if your not busy w/ laundry, cooking, baking, bathing, or excercising grab a cup of your favorite bev. and take a load off. Lot's to say here.





Where should I begin? How about I just tell you what's happening right at this moment and then I will back track and spill the stuff from the last 4 mos. Right now I am listening to the sound of a little girl talking my leg off. * gigling inside * I love the sound of tiny voices, I love the sound of young voices. My youngest right now is 3. She is coloring in her new coloring book and talking to me the whole time. (she is completely unaware that I am blogging) She has a sister also and she is 5. She happens to be outside playing w/ Vallan. We finally have seen the sun today at just before 5 pm. The bigger kids are taking advantage of it. The temp. is 56* wow- that does seem like spring but don't get to excited b/c the last I heard we are suppose to get snow Sat. and they reported an accumilation of snow- so we will be expecting inches, i guess?? We live in Missouri so this is just normal seasonal chaos.





Our family has grown some. We have an additional 2 kiddos living in our home. These girls are foster children and they originally came to us as an emergency placement and now they have been here for almost 4 mos. That is where " my " time has gone. wew it sure has



Last time I blogged we were just about to start an international adoption for a little boy in Ukraine. We got the call for the girls and everything went in the opposite direction. Who would have thought. Instead of gathering paperwork to be sent as a dossier, we have been gathering paperwork from doctors, schools, therapists, etc.



The thing is- we just were praying that we would be used for the Kingdom of God and when you pray that- well you just never know what you will end up doing. Now we did have some idea as too fostering b/c we had to attend classes and then have a homestudy compiled about our family and then we had training and such, so after all this we did have some idea that we would eventually foster children. We didn't know that we would be fostering instead of adopting.



We didn't decide to take this leap of faith easily and we sure were excited. It's funny how things work out sometimes where we were putting in all the effort to complete all the necessary steps so we would be a licensed adoptive home for Missouri and then just like that we got a call-all of a sudden we were heading in a different direction all together. Foster care is very much different that adoption. There is whole different dynamic that happens in your family when you foster children vs adopt them. There would be lots to say here however I will not. I believe it would take us somewhere else in this conversation if I were to begin that discussion so I will refrain.