Today has been amazing. I spent quite a time w/my Savior this morn.
I also read in 2 cor.
Paul is amazing to me. I love, love reading about his life and times.
So yesterday hubby and I had a long conversation coming home from the hospital pre-paying for his surgery on friday. The trip lasted about 1 hr. so we definitely talked.
We just shared our hearts about the journey we are on and how much we are little sick inside that not much has happened and we are NOT where we thought we would be by now.
We are really hoping the we are not in the same place next year at this time cause its pretty depressing.
We also shared our hearts about how much we seem to have so much suffering with this journey.
Our journey to adopt has been one rough ride.
It appears that when others do it- it just works out for them and when we step out every time we get hung up and put out to dry and are left without.
It has been really hard to take, and really hard to keep the faith.
We would quit but where would we go???
Peter asked Jesus the same thing- Where Lord should I go?
As for me and my house we will serve the Lord..... enough said
So today reading in 2 Cor. I find Paul saying this- If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.
That is powerful to me... Yes that is it! All this suffering really makes us feel weak. Why? Well I won't pretend to have all the answers. Maybe b/c we are not in control?? I think for me that is where it is. Control.
Oh Father forgive me...
Paul also says- We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken, We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit.
We are hunted down, but God never abandons us.
We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.
Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!
Enough said- we are NOT QUITTING!
He also writes- That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed everyday. Yep!!
So today we are renewed! Hallelujah Jesus it's all for YOU anyway.
I leave w/ one thought-
At the end of the day- I want to know that I still have a place at the feet of Jesus, praising and worshipin my faithful Savior King cause HE IS WORTHY!
Grace, Grace
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Aug. 16, 2010
Well today I wrote 2 checks that wiped out our " adoption fund " and it was really miserable. It was miserable b/c it wasn't for an adoption. We have been saving and saving only to see our hopes and dreams fade to crisis situation and therefore a need and there goes the adoption fund. This has happened over and over for the last 5 yrs. Yah! I said it not 1 yr. but 5 yrs. Today was so depressing. It has been really difficult somewhat torturous for us to watch most of our friends and acquaintances thrive in life doing what we long and dream to do. Adopt kids. We have been on one long and winding bumpy road. So long that it literally feels as if it just isn't going to happen for us.. at least that is what the devil is reminding us all thru the days and nights.
Today is especially hard when we know that we have to let loose of the money we have a special purpose for. It doesn't really matter what the money went to. It did go to meet a medial need so we know at least it really did matter and I guess at least we had it when we needed it, it just stinks when it feels like the devil may have caused the crisis and stole the money b/c we were getting close to using it...... we were!
It also stinks to have this reveal that my heart still thinks money matters. I am really bothered by the way I feel about not having the money in our lives to use for an adoption. The thing is we don't even have any children to adopt. We are still waiting to hear if we are of the few families selected to be chosen for the sibling group we appealed for.
Most of you aren't aware of how the foster care system and the adoption system work in our nation. You see there are hundreds of thousands of children in the foster care system in our nation these kids' pictures and a profile are created and their workers put together a file for the adoption unit to use. Now some of the workers profile their case loads on a the web like adopt us kids dot org. Others don't they send their profiles to other workers in their areas to see if they are aware of adoptive parents in the system to make referrals. So most of the time alot of the children's profiles are never sent to the families waiting and waiting to adopt.
We have an adoption specialist in our county that works for us. She has indicated to us that her job is somewhat hard to do b/c she isn't aware of that many adoptive workers in other counties so she is not getting profiles of children needing families. Bummer right! Well there are websites like adopt us kids and then adoption exchange that actually help adoptive parents get profiles of children that represent similarities to your family and families harmonies. These are great resources for families cause there seems to be a real lack of intention w/ the system...... I have often wanted to write our governor and ask him if we the state of missouri were really that interested in finding families for the children lingering in foster care? Are we as a state really serious about adoption of the kiddos in families cause there seems to be a real lack going on....
Back on us- so how this works is this. We seen the kids' profiles on a website where we could read about the children. Short profiles is what they call it and sometimes a picture. We then email our worker and request to inquire about these kids. Our specialist takes the name and number of the adoption worker for the kids and emails he/she. We then receive via email what is called ' long profile' about each child if in a sibling group. We then get to know the children even more and then decided whether your family would be a good resource for the them. We then request for our homestudy to be sent to the worker. At this point we have our homestudy sent but we are 1 in about 100 or more. The worker or workers involved allow sufficient time for families to send their studies in however the time frame is not known to any of us waiting. This literally can take months. yes Months. As if these kids have not waited long enough. They wait. So do we, the families that wait all this time, hoping and praying that you are selected as the family. If we are selected they select a few like 30 families then they regroup meet and from the 30 they decide on like 8 families and they schedule interviews with these remaining 8. Once the interviewing is done which again can take months, they then select 3 families. The remaining 3 families will then go into what they call staffing. This includes interviews with the family, children and all the workers involved. Then the judge hears the case and he rules which family will ultimately be the children's future. All this takes time and a long time at that. We are still in the waiting stage. Waiting to see if we are selected as one of the 30 or so families. So that means we still a l-o-n-g way to go.
When we stop long enough to think about the process it kind of makes us really want to give up right at the beginning b/c for real. Who has that much patience??? I need Jesus!!!! cause I don't have the patience. It drives me nutty just thinking about the kiddos waiting. The thing is the kids probably don't even know this is going on. They don't ask and the workers sure don't bring it up, I'm sure. Except for the teenagers. You gotta know they are asking. It must be really difficult for them.
The children we are hoping to become part of our family is 8,7, 2 and 6 mos. Yes! 4 children. they are beautiful children and their profiles reflect that they would fit right in to our family really well. It is harder than life waiting though to find out yes or no. We have submitted our homestudy for several, did you hear me- several children. Several sibling groups. Several singletons and several times we have waited months like 6 or more only to hear ..................
nothing! That's right nothing. They don't email the workers back a sorry letter to families no nothing. One day you'll just see a little message on the website their listed with and it will say family in progress or on hold. Then you know. YOU ARE NOT THE FAMILY CHOSEN!
It is a huge let down and when that happens and it has several times. You and your family are broken and then angry. Angry that months of your life was wasted on waiting. Angry that the system made you wait so long. Angry that the workers must be wrong in their choices. Right??
It really does make us understand the overwhelming rise in International Adoption. There is alot of controversy about adopt here or there or anywhere. My take on that is adopt where you are led to. Adoption is a very personal journey. You have to be certain you know where your willing to go and do what you are willing to do. For us- International Adoption is just not for us. The biggest reason is travel. It just doesn't fit our family. Our heart beat.
If we ever did decide to adopt Internationally, we would like a program like the Korea Program. Some of the high points to the Korea Prgm are:
We liked that not only did you not have to travel you could escort.
You also didn't have to have the involvement of a dossier. They are just mentally intimidating to me. Probably b/c both me and my husband have been married before. Too much paperwork. The other benefit of the Korean Program was the 1 fee. There was a fee to the whole process not pay this much here, and this much there. You know when you are paying this here and paying this there later. You really are not aware " how much money you are really paying ". We don't like this. You end up paying alot more then you think. We like the concept of paying the fee once and final.
That is just my opinion. just sayin
Even though we paid for the medical crisis we had, we are still hopeful that we will see the salvation of our LORD in the land of the living. Even though we are broken hearted we will still keep believing that someday it will happen for us. Someday we will be the parents of who? and how many? Until then our faith will continue to be tested. At the end of the day though, after our faith is tested it is proved to be true. We still believe that our Father's heartbeat is for orphans and HE sets them in families. We can believe that HE longs to bring our hearts desires into our journey b/c HE knows the truth in our worship when we have nothing. How much greater will our worship be when we arrive on that day. God longs to be glorified. He longs for us to glorify Him boldly. He longs for us to glorify Him always. He knows that we celebrate HIM even when we are defeated by the no word. We have to believe in HIM- where else would we go????? After all it's HIM! WE REALLY WANT!!!
Today is especially hard when we know that we have to let loose of the money we have a special purpose for. It doesn't really matter what the money went to. It did go to meet a medial need so we know at least it really did matter and I guess at least we had it when we needed it, it just stinks when it feels like the devil may have caused the crisis and stole the money b/c we were getting close to using it...... we were!
It also stinks to have this reveal that my heart still thinks money matters. I am really bothered by the way I feel about not having the money in our lives to use for an adoption. The thing is we don't even have any children to adopt. We are still waiting to hear if we are of the few families selected to be chosen for the sibling group we appealed for.
Most of you aren't aware of how the foster care system and the adoption system work in our nation. You see there are hundreds of thousands of children in the foster care system in our nation these kids' pictures and a profile are created and their workers put together a file for the adoption unit to use. Now some of the workers profile their case loads on a the web like adopt us kids dot org. Others don't they send their profiles to other workers in their areas to see if they are aware of adoptive parents in the system to make referrals. So most of the time alot of the children's profiles are never sent to the families waiting and waiting to adopt.
We have an adoption specialist in our county that works for us. She has indicated to us that her job is somewhat hard to do b/c she isn't aware of that many adoptive workers in other counties so she is not getting profiles of children needing families. Bummer right! Well there are websites like adopt us kids and then adoption exchange that actually help adoptive parents get profiles of children that represent similarities to your family and families harmonies. These are great resources for families cause there seems to be a real lack of intention w/ the system...... I have often wanted to write our governor and ask him if we the state of missouri were really that interested in finding families for the children lingering in foster care? Are we as a state really serious about adoption of the kiddos in families cause there seems to be a real lack going on....
Back on us- so how this works is this. We seen the kids' profiles on a website where we could read about the children. Short profiles is what they call it and sometimes a picture. We then email our worker and request to inquire about these kids. Our specialist takes the name and number of the adoption worker for the kids and emails he/she. We then receive via email what is called ' long profile' about each child if in a sibling group. We then get to know the children even more and then decided whether your family would be a good resource for the them. We then request for our homestudy to be sent to the worker. At this point we have our homestudy sent but we are 1 in about 100 or more. The worker or workers involved allow sufficient time for families to send their studies in however the time frame is not known to any of us waiting. This literally can take months. yes Months. As if these kids have not waited long enough. They wait. So do we, the families that wait all this time, hoping and praying that you are selected as the family. If we are selected they select a few like 30 families then they regroup meet and from the 30 they decide on like 8 families and they schedule interviews with these remaining 8. Once the interviewing is done which again can take months, they then select 3 families. The remaining 3 families will then go into what they call staffing. This includes interviews with the family, children and all the workers involved. Then the judge hears the case and he rules which family will ultimately be the children's future. All this takes time and a long time at that. We are still in the waiting stage. Waiting to see if we are selected as one of the 30 or so families. So that means we still a l-o-n-g way to go.
When we stop long enough to think about the process it kind of makes us really want to give up right at the beginning b/c for real. Who has that much patience??? I need Jesus!!!! cause I don't have the patience. It drives me nutty just thinking about the kiddos waiting. The thing is the kids probably don't even know this is going on. They don't ask and the workers sure don't bring it up, I'm sure. Except for the teenagers. You gotta know they are asking. It must be really difficult for them.
The children we are hoping to become part of our family is 8,7, 2 and 6 mos. Yes! 4 children. they are beautiful children and their profiles reflect that they would fit right in to our family really well. It is harder than life waiting though to find out yes or no. We have submitted our homestudy for several, did you hear me- several children. Several sibling groups. Several singletons and several times we have waited months like 6 or more only to hear ..................
nothing! That's right nothing. They don't email the workers back a sorry letter to families no nothing. One day you'll just see a little message on the website their listed with and it will say family in progress or on hold. Then you know. YOU ARE NOT THE FAMILY CHOSEN!
It is a huge let down and when that happens and it has several times. You and your family are broken and then angry. Angry that months of your life was wasted on waiting. Angry that the system made you wait so long. Angry that the workers must be wrong in their choices. Right??
It really does make us understand the overwhelming rise in International Adoption. There is alot of controversy about adopt here or there or anywhere. My take on that is adopt where you are led to. Adoption is a very personal journey. You have to be certain you know where your willing to go and do what you are willing to do. For us- International Adoption is just not for us. The biggest reason is travel. It just doesn't fit our family. Our heart beat.
If we ever did decide to adopt Internationally, we would like a program like the Korea Program. Some of the high points to the Korea Prgm are:
We liked that not only did you not have to travel you could escort.
You also didn't have to have the involvement of a dossier. They are just mentally intimidating to me. Probably b/c both me and my husband have been married before. Too much paperwork. The other benefit of the Korean Program was the 1 fee. There was a fee to the whole process not pay this much here, and this much there. You know when you are paying this here and paying this there later. You really are not aware " how much money you are really paying ". We don't like this. You end up paying alot more then you think. We like the concept of paying the fee once and final.
That is just my opinion. just sayin
Even though we paid for the medical crisis we had, we are still hopeful that we will see the salvation of our LORD in the land of the living. Even though we are broken hearted we will still keep believing that someday it will happen for us. Someday we will be the parents of who? and how many? Until then our faith will continue to be tested. At the end of the day though, after our faith is tested it is proved to be true. We still believe that our Father's heartbeat is for orphans and HE sets them in families. We can believe that HE longs to bring our hearts desires into our journey b/c HE knows the truth in our worship when we have nothing. How much greater will our worship be when we arrive on that day. God longs to be glorified. He longs for us to glorify Him boldly. He longs for us to glorify Him always. He knows that we celebrate HIM even when we are defeated by the no word. We have to believe in HIM- where else would we go????? After all it's HIM! WE REALLY WANT!!!
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